Coffee Van Experience
Who's the goon that put my coffee cup in the dish washer this morning, and switched it on? at 9AM? I've just walked in to work. I didn't manage to pull a shot at home this morning so it was going to be crappy-coffee-at-work day. That's fine. I get to work, where's my mug? It's in the dishwasher. The dishwasher is on. Who the hell puts the dishwasher on, first thing in the morning, when everyone want's their coffee!? -anger- In a huff, I grabbed my goofy looking hat, sunnies and wallet from my desk and stormed out of the building on a quest to get some freshly made coffee. BEHOLD, the coffee van. Parked square outside the building, right in the foyer. Right in the driveway. You know, like one of those ones you see at hotels, where the driveway comes right in to the front door, and out again. There it is. Parked, in full operation, buzzing and whirring, with two ladies at the back operating machinery. Could it be good? I asked myself. I approached the van with subtle excitement and stood waiting. "Did you get my message?" said the first lady. Ummm, no? I replied. She goes on to talk about how we're supposed to get a text message when the coffee van arrives at the building, so we can all run outside like cattle and queue for a brew. "No, sorry." I'd responded. She goes on to talk about how "Katie" is in exams today, so she's filling in... almost as if I'm regular cattle that comes for my morning dose of coffee from the coffee van. I neglected to tell her that I'm a coffee van n00b. The other girl asks what I'd like. "1 large latte". "$4.50" she says. *scoff*. I guess that's the price you pay for mobile coffee. Sure, I've paid $4.50 for a large coffee before, often, but it's been good. Will this be good? I'm eye-balling the equipment in the coffee van. Mazzer Robur, check. Very shiny two-group La Scala EROICA machine, check. This might be nice. Lady #1 is cleaning the group heads and filter baskets while the queue starts to grow. At least she's cleaning. There is grounds all around the Robur, I don't care, I'm messy too. This lady really looks like she knows what she's doing, the cleaning is just great. She's in no rush to serve the waiting customers. Just clean the machines.... clean em. WAIT A MINUTE.. the doser has a heap of grinds sitting in it, waiting for the next poor soul. I stand there and imagine a yellow stick-it note, stuck to the doser with big texta writing that says "WARNING: STALE GRINDS INSIDE". *sigh*. And now the scruitiny. Lady #1 is now working the grinder. dose, dose, dose, tap-on bench, dose, dose, tap, tap, light-tamp, tap, dose, light-tamp, tap, dose, TAMP. I can't help but frown. It's the most unorthodox method ever, and it's not even a real tamp. Just the shite plastic tamp attachment bolted to the front of the Robur's dose chamber. As she carried out the final tamp, -frown-. I closed my eyes and imagined a wee-little-miniature pixie man came stumbling out from behind the Robur with a miniature spirit (bubble) level, waving it in the air at the lady.... "get it level lady, get it level"... The final tamp was so busted I reckon you could make a picture frame with the 45' angle she'd tamped on. *groan* Stop watching now! I thought to myself. The portafilter is in the freshly cleaned group head now. 'click' on goes the machine, paper cup jammed awkwardly under the spouts on a messed up angle, because the big cups won't fit standing up on the drip tray. I'm really admiring this machine, it's shiny! Pour, pour, pour... mmmm pouuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, pouurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. *oh noes* (still pouring). Is this lady filling up my large latte with six tonnes of over extracted mess? It was gushing out, like your garden hose. Still the pour continues. I probably could have put my hand behind the extraction and seen it clearly through the pour. -frowning face again- Out comes the epic-sized jug of textured milk from around the corner. Lady #2 has been busy with the steam wand. ka-chow! In goes the milk, right to the top. I don't think much milk went in to be honest, because half the cup was full of some kind of watery coffee mixture already. "here you go" says Lady #1. THANKS, I respond, and limp off, battered, bruised and mentally scored, back to my cubical. I get back to my desk, sit down and wait. The coffee is too hot to drink, way too hot. Eventually *sip*... yeap, it tastes like coffee. What, no rant about how awful it is? Lets face it, if it was good coffee, then I'd have something more to write about. I would be excited. There would be sparks and shit flying out of this blog page, mega awesome anthem music, and a miniature pixie with a spirit level, but it's just 'coffee'. So is the freeze-dry shit that you buy from the supermarket. Enough said. If you are reading... I hope you've had GOOD coffee today and haven't shared an experience like this one. *edit, my rant to my wife:
